Ask Forde!

Q: Dr. Forde, what kind music do you listen to?

A: I just bought the Simpsons Sing the Blues album, which I think is decent.  In addition I’m really into Devo and The Clash, but I also dig old country.  I’ve been watching MTV a lot lately, so I'm into the rap.

Q: I understand that there are rumors that you wear a toupee.  Would you care to respond?

A: No.

Q: What do you think about the horse-dick rumors being spread about one of your students?

A: Well, I haven’t actually been witness to the phallus, but I have no doubt to its enormity.

Q: How do you respond to questions about your sexuality?

A: I mostly refer those to my young male Asian assistant Jeong-Sang Ahn.

Q: Have you any doubts as to the glorious reckoning of The Turkey?

A: None.

Q: We recently noticed that you changed your hairstyle.  What’s going on?

A: Well, I’ve been telling people that I started combing to the other side because of the wind from my new bitchin’ Miata convertible.  The real reason is because my brain has begun to protrude from the left.  I’ve been trying to drink it down to normal size, but the staggering intellect of my students has begun to interfere.

Q: Does Dalhousie University actually exist, or did you make that up to pad your resume?

A: A little from column A, a little from column B…

Q: Does Lincoln High School have even half the heroin problem that I hear?

A: Well, some would say that it’s not so much a problem as it is natural evolution within a free market economy.

Q: What can I do about this rash?

A: Don't touch me.

Q: I'm in your political science 1040 class, and I am often distracted by your large man-nipples.  Do you have any advice for me?

A: I recommend that all my students direct their attention to either my left eyeball or my genitals.

Q: Do you consider this type of web page to be libel?

A: Shit yeah muthafuckah!  If you also think this type of page is demeaning, please contact your local decency police.