Forde threatens dashing web-page designers with "fisticuffs at noon."
In a recent e-mail confrontation with the subject of this web page, Dr. Steven Forde has asked to meet the authors for "fisticuffs at noon" in order to pay for their indiscretions. After no small amount of research, the authors have discovered that this is in fact an invitation to meet Forde for an old-school style, behind the bike rack, knock-down drag-out fight. The authors have decided to decline the invitation after learning that Prof. Forde participates in a regular training session that includes:
Slamming his fists into
blocks of oak for half an hour in order to make
them "beefy."
744 crunches - the kind where someone drops the medicine ball thingy on your stomach like in Rocky.
High pitched girly like screaming for over twenty minutes each day (just in case).
Wrestling with a proto-man who kicks his ass for more than an hour in order to "tighten his glutes."
Stay tuned for updates to this story.
Note:
Fisticuffs at noon demands that fighting must take place according to the Marquess of Queensbury Rules. For a further explanation of what the hell those rules are refer to the following:
1. To be a fair stand-up boxing match in a 24-foot ring, or as near that size as practicable (yep, that's a real word).
2. No wrestling or hugging allowed (kissing, goosing, and ass-grabbing are all presumably out... and absolutely no tongues).
3. The rounds to be of three minute's duration, and one minute's time between rounds.
4. If either man falls through weakness of otherwise, he must get up unassisted, 10 seconds to be allowed him to do so, the other man meanwhile to return to his corner, and when the fallen man is on his legs the round is to be resumed and continued until the three minutes have expired. If one man fails to come to the scratch in the 10 seconds allowed, it will be in the power of the referee to give his award in favour of the other man.
5. A man hanging on the ropes in a helpless state, with his toes off the ground, shall be considered down.
6. No seconds or any other person to be allowed in the ring during the rounds.
7. Should the contest be stopped by an unavoidable interference, the referee to name the time and place as soon as possible for finishing the contest so that the match must be won and lost, unless the backers of both men agree to draw the stakes.
8. The gloves to be fair-sized boxing gloves of the best quality and new.
9. Should a glove burst, or come off, it must be replaced to the referee's satisfaction.
10. A man on one knee is considered down and, if struck is entitled to the stakes.
11. No shoes of boots with springs allowed (Also know as the Warner Bros. amendment).
12. The contest in all other respects to be governed by revised rules of the London Prize Ring.